All i wanted to do was get lost in venice, it didn’t take long, in fact i am typing this right now thinking hey its dark out… how the hell am i going to get back to my 189 euro a night cupboard for a nap?

But what better city to get lost in, wandering past crumbling doorways that you swore you just walked past a few minutes ago and which you probably did. Doing stupid things like using the armani store in san marco as a marker,.. aha… yep.. there are 3, or the even more sutpid mistake,.. following the tourist reading the map.

My first 2 days were spent in the Hotel Hesperia which is far enough from the station to be quiet but doesnt require you to lug your luggage over canals … clever hey.. and it was a nice place,.. interesting rooms,.. nice people… real coffee for breakfast… so my first 2 days were spent walking through the jewish ghetto and making the trek on foot from ferrovia to rialto and piazza san marco.

It was on such a journey that I met mario and his care giver, whose name i never caught.

Mario had some issues, he was short and stocky, he was fat and really hadnt kept himself in good shape,.. but it seems that today was the day that mario wanted to break free from the shackles that had bound him, and I played my part.

Strolling along the canareggio canal towards tourist land i saw a small dog appear from a doorway, its little legs only barely keeping its belly from the pavement, it looked to its right saw nothing .. looked to its left … saw me… figured i was the safer bet and sprinted madly towards me, seconds later the frantic screams of “mario mario mario” exploded from the same doorway. Seconds later emerged a woman who although a difference species did resemble mario in stature and certainly in speed… mario shuffled headloing towards his destiny, she shuffled like a madwoman after him,.. “mario mario mario!”… I had time to assess the situation as this slow motion wobbly parade approached me and thought… aha! i can help this poor hapless local who has lost her dog, surely the only source of income for her and her starving… err…sparrows…

I moved swiftly into position… stepping in front of mario and his dash for freedom,.. mario took one last look at his original destination and then directed his gaze towards me, the expression puppy dog eyes is a cliche but cliches become cliches for a reason.. this was the reason.

However the stumbling care giver was not satisfied with merely a distriaction she wanted mario in her posession, she demanded custody she wanted him back in the chains which he had lived all his life, she even had the keys with her i could hear them jangling during the pauses in her cackling… she continued … “mario mario mario!”.

Mario leaned one way and moved the other and implanted the thought that he may have rabies into my mind to make a getaway,.. but he didn’t count on another australian traveller who had also scouted the situation and saw a chance to make an impression on the locals. He lunged at mario forcing him backwards into the path of … that woman… mario had no choice… h had come this far and was going to be free without second throught his little legs thundered him towards the canal and into it he plunged.

We leaned .. over the edge of the canal … a drinking straw, a piece of miscellaneous plastic,.. some patented veneziano floating scum… but no mario… still the mad woman’s screams continued… mario … mario…. mario…

There was barely a ripple across the water, Mario appears to have been swallowed up, consumed, evaporated.

We waited for at least a minute … but mario was free,.. my companion turned to me and spoke a few well chosen words in his honour ”lets get the fuck out of here man”.

I am herer for 6 days, lets hope i dont kill … again.